I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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