can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
