so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
