You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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