he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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