apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize