I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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