Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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