What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize