Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
