Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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