Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
And then he peed in my hair
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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