And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
These tits shall not be calmed
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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