Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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