ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize