dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
