So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
