Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
