I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
