If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
