If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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