if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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