I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize