In the future we'll all be gay
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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