as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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