I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am naked and annoyed.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
