I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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