I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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