my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
