In the future we'll all be gay
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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