So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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