I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's always time for handjobs
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
