I think I died a long time ago.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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