I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
