too bad you live with your parents still
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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