so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize