i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
