ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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