Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
