I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
