We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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