Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
