im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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