I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
