i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
