Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
