omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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