I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
