my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
