i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
