All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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