How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
