How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize