she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
