Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let's get the cat blown out
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
