A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize