Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
