help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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