really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
