I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
