relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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