i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
