Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
