Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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