She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
