Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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