I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
