So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
