that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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