I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
