i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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