everyone is single if you try hard enough
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drake has all the answers
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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