I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize