Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
