Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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