she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
