He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
