my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
