oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That accounts for only three of the penises
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
