did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
