i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
