If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
