I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
