We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
