I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
