my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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