He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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