Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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