Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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