just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
