walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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